Race to action

Yesterday at work, it was again brought to my attention, again, that I tend to react quickly to suggestions of others.  I am rather impulsive that way, or at least it seems on the surface.  A deeper look reveals that it is possible that my motivation is not altruistic.  Rather, my race to action is linked to my desire to impress. When I quickly respond, I feel like I am on top of it, obedient, ready for action.  In reality, I haven’t always weighed the consequences, considered the needs of others, and can come across as a demanding task master.  I expect other people to respond with similar compliance, without hesitation, and am surprised at any backlash. In my mind I hear thoughts like “I am not to blame I am just doing what I was told by someone of higher authority than me.”
But my role isn’t to just quickly implement directions; instead it is to use my analytical skills (which I really do have), apply knowledge to the situation, and respond accordingly. That I am not so good at doing, especially when I am at work, and there are a million and one interruptions and demands on my time and attention, and I am feeling bogged down by weighty matters”. However, my race to action is self-sabotaging.  And it doesn’t feel very good to recognize it.  In fact, it’s rather humiliating / humbling leading initially to justification, and quickly followed by self-incrimination.

Ironically, I am often told that I am “so calm”, “so patient”.  Yet, in some circumstances, there is strong evidence to the contrary, and in many cases I appear patient when in fact I am responding cautiously uncertain of my actions.

Thinking about Jesus.  Jesus was sent to earth to learn, know, teach, and implement the prophetic will of God. He came as a child, born in humble circumstances; not a grown being who quickly did whatsoever direction given him.  He learned in childhood through conversing with God, angels, and mankind; line upon line, and not with immediate detailed instruction. He taught through parables, stories, and meekness; not with excitement, abruptness, and hurry. He expressed the will of his father, without fanfare, flamboyance, or hustle.  His work was phenomenal, and exceptional; planned from the pre-existent foundation of time, prophesied since the beginning of mankind, performed with unparalleled exactness, and inspired all of God’s creations acknowledge and emulate him. His task was enormous, his power almighty, and his gift eternal.

And I,  a daughter or God, have a small purpose by comparison. And I complain of daily demands, detach from family and friends to intensify focus, hurry to complete responsibilities, rush to remove pressures in my life, and wish for more time and ability to accomplish things.  Then I want to relax and restore I withdraw further, and engage in “me” time.  How contrary is this to God’s ways?