My crazy to Amazing

So many thoughts, so much to think about. I attended a celebration of life for a sweet 3 year old girl named Zion. What a miracle of pure love and light, with a mother of tremendous faith and vision. I smelled smoke in the air from fires around and added oxygen back to my routine. Breathing comes easier with my 02 friend. I taught a class on Doctrine and Covenants 85-88. What a testimony builder that God loves us all and provides a way for his work to be done while attending to the needs of every person here on earth.  I prepared for a surgery that was postponed for two weeks or more due to the number of Covid patients in the local hospitals. I listened to the news reports of the Taliban taking control of Kahbul, capital of Afghanistan at the withdrawal of US forces. I read of a woman who was listening to the deep painful cries when her neighbor downstairs learned that her son was killed. There are so many thoughts of goodness and sadness, confidence and fear crashing like waves in...

Ever been caught in the medical net?  I am not talking about a safety net. I am talking about the net that leaves you in a tangle without resolution.  It happens in "complex cases". Primary care refers to Oncology, which refers to Cardiology,  who refers to Primary Care, who refers to Oncology,  who refers to Pulmonary, and so on. They all tell you that it doesn't appear to be related to any specific specialty. The symptoms don't align but the symptoms are measurable. Latest thought-Maybe a blood clot? So hurry and wait for imaging referral approval.  Hurry and wait for test. Hurry and wait for results.   Thankfully, I am on oxygen therapy in the meanwhile so I can breathe, move, and think better than the previous 21 days. Meanwhile, I want to garden, to ride my bike, to go and do...but I wait for my body to recover and medical network to uncover. It takes a lot of patience to be a "complex case".

The young girl in me loves a good horse story. The adolescent in me is inspired by girl power stories. The mother in me longs to see persons with disabilities portrayed the same as any other character role in a movie. Trifecta -  Ride Like A Girl  Netflix 

What’s Spoon Theory? “ The Spoon Theory ”, a personal story by Christine Miserandino, is popular among many people dealing with chronic illness. It describes perfectly this idea of limited energy, using “spoons” as a unit of energy. I learned about the Spoon Theory while participating in LiveStrong after my MBC  The life events of March 2021 have taught me the following: When I am stubbornly determined, I feel like I am gathering spoons from obscure hidden closets within my body. Using these reserves, I am able to accomplish more than I initially thought I could handle. Once the spoons are gone, my body and mind are spent ... bone dry. I lose the ability to focus. My body heavily sinks into whatever position that requires minimal effort to support it and I become an exposed turtle outside its protective shell. Uncomfortable at my exposure I may lash at others seeking to advise or console me. I may reflexively respond to irritations with adrenaline, very short-term. I have to rest.....

My mother's move prompted me to reconnect with some of her long-time friends. What wonderful women and wonderful memories. Their friendship began and strengthened through participation in a monthly book club.They all had their favorite parts of book club. Marsha loved WWII and inspirational literature introducing the members to works like The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Bloom and The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. Lynn favored leading the discussions with thoughtful questions from fastidious notes taken as she read each and every book, often the first to obtain a copy and read. Mom contributed her love for British literature, which for a awhile also included volumes of the No.1 Ladies Detective Agency series, and novels by Anne Perry. Candi and Sydney, her mother in law, faithfully attended and contributed to book discussions and occasional organized movie viewing for a book at the Pine Valley Ranch theater room. Glynis leaned toward non-fiction and philosophical books. I was among sev...

When I entered my 88 year old mother's room this evening to tell her about her upcoming move she greeted me with "Oh, hi. Lisa, I just want to die. I am not suicidal but I just don't want to go on. I am tired of this life. I have been praying for it to end, but I am still here." I told her that I was hopeful that the upcoming move next week would be so much better for her. They have two caregivers at all times instead of one; seven in total. They have an in-house stylist for her hair at no additional cost, manicures and pedicures, a hospital bed with a pressure alternating mattress, chickens that the residents raised, a small dog, two cats. Her sister-in-law and daughters could visit indoors, along with her current AFH provider. She will be within proximity of where she currently resides. I showed her picturesof her new room, and ones sent by her new provider. "This is going to be better" I said. " I won't have (---caregiver---) yelling at me anymor...