emotional tsunami

There are moments where circumstances of my life or my inner critic leads to thoughts so significant that I feel a momentum swelling up into an emotional tsunami. My primitive brain screams "I am going to die!" and my body shouts "Hey, wait for me!!"

Everything within me cautions me to protect, withdraw, and/or hide powerless.

Much like a true tsunami these experiences often occur after a brief peaceful spell when I feel capable and I have experienced a glimpse of the divine within me.

Why the PTSD, I sometimes wonder? What happened in my life that brings such a strong reaction to my fears?

I cannot seem to draw a solid reasonable conclusion but at the base, my self-doubt can be a deep cavern.

I recently learned a new way of self talk when I feel the sand shifting beneath my feet. 

"I don't have to create the tsunami. I can dip my toes in the water. I am uncomfortable but nothing has gone wrong here. It is just a false alarm. I am ok."

It is amazing how the breath I have been holding eases in exhalation. Tension starts to unfurl from my jaw and limbs. My heart rate slows.

And calm flows back into my soul.

It is a wonder and wonderful experience to learn how to cope with this...at last.