My crazy to Amazing

Ah summer. Long days filled with sunlight, working in our garden, ice cream with family and friends, or at a campground with TJ and Tula. This is the first time I remember feeling kind of sad for the upcoming season. Typically I long for autumn's crisp air and the fall colors are so welcoming to me. Summer blues so feel foreign to me.  This has been a year of different in so many ways. I guess I shouldn't be so taken back but experiencing a different emotion right now. The summer warmth is giving way to colder winds within as I recognize that winter is licking at my heels. 

Our traditional Heyburn State Park July 4th BOG camp out 2020. Only one mishap, Shari sprained her left ankle en route to the restroom in the dark. It may have kept her from the Harrison bike ride but it did not stop her from victory in our late night game of "yardzee" or even dancing to the tunes of Whack-a-mole with support of a camping chair . Mishaps happen  on our camp out  nearly every year... bike accidents, loud crows, raccoons thieving marshmallows, car batteries, cooler thieves , gall bladder attack, and more.  Perhaps that is why we have learned too not wander too far from home.  It comes in handy being near a hospital or at least a grocery store. As for the Braas, we had the best camp out yet. 2 campsites, one RV, and 3 tents (one for each young adult) ... best idea ever!  We did miss the afternoon swim we had planned by Van and I taking a nap and waking to find Maddie was gone.  Having learned that Shari, Sheri, and Jon were gone too, we w...

In the Fall of 2018, I told everyone that I wasn't looking for a dog. Of course I kept looking.  I looked a schnoodles, aussie doodles, schnauzers, and while insisting I didn't want another dog after Eddie, I stumbled on this this photo of "Rusty" via facebook and all my professions were recognized as hollow.  I was in love. He was in Redmond, Oregon and we were in Spokane.  It was completely impulsive.  I sent an email to the breeder explaining why we would be "good" owners, and scratched together what we really didn't think we could spare, grabbed Maddie, and drove to Redmond late November 2018. There were 8 or 9 in the litter and quite frankly as we stood, cooed, and sat in the front yard, Rusty was the least interested in us of all the pups. He was chewing on shrubbery and rather focused on it.  There were some beautiful mini reds that were adorable and tempting but I was determined that Rusty was ours and the only one coming home with us. We pla...

The muscles that develop as a baby falls and gets up again are the very ones that allow it to walk. Own the awkwardness. Embarrassment is a choice. - Shannon Skidmore

"Oh, look at that beautiful sunset. I have cancer." "There is my friend so and so who I haven't seen for awhile. Does so and so know I have cancer?" "I just bought a car, and a new bicycle. You know you have cancer, right?!" You only have so many spoons because you have cancer, hold back." Cancer is ever present in my daily thoughts ...how do I make it stop? I have been in mourning. Poor me. From the depths of my soul resilience emerges. I choose or choose not. Cancer does not own me. I act. I breathe. I consider. I do. I feel. I give. I hope. I invest. I love. I resolve. I seek. I try. I am not a silent passenger on a runaway train. I ride the track with mindful intention, taking in the sights, the smells, the tastes, the sounds, and the touches, atuning my senses and my soul until the track is no more.

Cancer is an annoyance nipping at my heels, an incessant awareness that cannot be ignored. It inconveniently demands attention mid-stride causing me to trip and stumble. Given attention, it's grip slowly releases only to strike again. Without attention, it bites harder tearing past my protective clothing daring to devour my very soul. Some claim to be skilled enough to temper and train it. We enter basic obedience and though unruly, it starts to respond well. The trainer turns away to work with another. Distracted, forgetting its presence, my attention drifts elsewhere. I notice others with their companions, daydream of blue skies and cool waters at a distant oasis, and witness black balloons floating up to heaven. Sudden recognition jolts me as it snaps at my heel. I struggle to regain balance. Sympathetic onlookers, friends, and family provide advice, encouragement, and offer to shelter it for me, but I cannot give it away or rehome it. Even if it were possible to do so, it wou...

When I next heard that voice while sleeping, I dismissed it. I recalled my afternoon 7 years earlier walking among cherry blossoms and observing koi. There was no evidence that anything had changed. My mind was playing tricks on me. Time passed. An awareness grew - decreased energy, shortness of breath, my heart skipped a few beats, then hurried to catch up. A Dr visit, followed quickly by ER. Out of shape from a sedentary office job, too much time driving a car, too many sweets and carbs, a poor diet. Try dietary changes, increase my fitness, take a prn medication, and check back later. That's all.